April 21, 2011

Poinsettia Takes Off Shirt

ARM-WRESTLER TONY POINSETTIA WAS SHIRTLESS FOR NEARLY AN HOUR.

Indicating his need to "air out" on Monday, arm-wrestler Tony Poinsettia took his t-shirt, the only article of clothing covering his upper body, off.

"Whew," said Mr. Poinsettia, also known as the "Apartment 3 Kid". "Is it hot in here?”

Some in the room with him tried their best to pay as little notice as they could to Mr. Poinsettia's shirtlessness.

"I'm not giving him the satisfaction," said handywoman Jen Habel. "Not even a nasty comment about this hairy nipples. I know that's exactly what he wants."

Bookie Shifty Sanchez, who is also Mr. Poinsettia's trainer, claims Mr. Poinsettia was not showing off on purpose, though he does have a lot to be proud of.

"Yeah, son," said Mr. Sanchez to Mr. Poinsettia. "Looks like you're ready to take another shot at Meathooks [McNair]," referring to the current Lavina Avenue Arm-Wrestling Confederation champion who defeated Mr. Poinsettia in December.

According to sources inside the room, there was little reason for shirtlessness at that time.

"It wasn't hot or anything," said seamstress Jen McConnell. "And it didn't seem like that kind of party. No one had taken their pants off, or their nuts out, or anything like that."

Others were merely unimpressed with what Mr. Poinsettia had to offer.

"His body was okay," said poolboy Matt Sackage. "I mean, he clearly works out, but his definition is nothing special."

"He should start waxing his chest," Mr. Sackage continued. "Maybe there's nothing worth showing-off under that man-sweater."

Neither Mr. Poinsettia nor Mr. Sanchez would answer further questions regarding when Mr. Poinsettia's next match would be, citing his need to "do a few push-ups" in the front yard.