April 3, 2011

Rev. Proie Finally Able to Spill Image of Christ Onto Shirt

REV. PROIE HAS VOWED TO USE THE BLESSED T-SHIRT "IN ANY WAY POSSIBLE" TO MAKE MONEY.

Following nearly an hour of spilling various liquids on himself at varying angles, the Most Reverend J. Proie of Apartment 3's Temple of Awesomeness was finally able to spill the image of Jesus H. Christ onto a t-shirt.

"This is proof that Jesus lives inside all of us," said Rev. Proie. "But mostly, he lives in my clothes."

The maneuver is meant to attract visibility to the Temple, as well as increase donations to the church, which have fallen dramatically in recent months, despite above-average attendance.

"The economy is not as forgiving as our lord and savior," said Rev. Proie.

Religion expert Jen McNair calls the spilt image of Jesus a "tremendous opportunity" for the Temple. 

"This sort of marketing ploy could be just what the Temple needs," she said. "People love the image of Jesus appearing on inanimate objects. It's so huge right now."

Gus Auster, publisher of Jesus and Bowling Quarterly , said that if the t-shirt actually does bear the image of Jesus, he would consider putting it on the cover of the next issue.

"I'd have to see it for myself," Mr. Auster said. "If it's real, we're talking big bucks for Proie and the [Temple]. However, I've been around long enough to have seen countless forgeries. I'll believe it when I see it."

Rev. Proie is currently keeping the t-shirt in an undisclosed location. His plan is to put it on display and charge a fee to see and/or touch the garment.

"We still haven't decided on a good amount," said Rev. Proie. "The marketing department is working on that."

Rev. Proie also confirmed that official replica t-shirts would be available soon.

"We're taking this one step at a time," he said, "but we're also in the process of exploring all revenue options."