June 7, 2011

Turmoil in AOL/Huffington Post Merger Reveal That AOL Still Exists

AOL IS STILL AROUND, ACCORDING TO MANY REPORTS.

As various reports circulate regarding behind-the-scenes turmoil in the AOL/Huffington Post merger, media analysts around the country are astounded to find out that AOL, the Internet service provider that even your parents abandoned almost half a decade ago, is still in existence.

“AOL? As in America Online?” asked Stacey McCutchen of the American Media Association. “I didn’t realize dial-up Internet service was even an option anymore.”

At one time AOL had over thirty million subscribers and was one of the driving forces of the explosive growth of the Internet. Its interface served as the portal to the World Wide Web for a majority of Internet users before slowly becoming completely useless to almost everybody.

The integration of AOL with the Huffington Post, which AOL purchased earlier this year for $315 million, has been rocky, within both the editorial and the business divisions of the newly formed company.

“It’s astounding that [AOL] still had over $300 million lying around,” said Ms. McCutchen. “They must have been responsible and saved all those subscriber fees for a rainy day.”

Some Apartment 3ers recall the time that AOL was both relevant and useful.

“I miss the days of AOL’s supremacy,” said handywoman Jen Habel. “Thanks to all those CD-ROMs I got in the mail, I didn’t have to buy drink coasters for years.”

Ms. McCutchen also thinks the difficulties in the AOL/HuffPo merger could spell doom for other planned deals that involve irrelevant Internet companies.

“If the AOL thing doesn’t work out, the Prodigy-Drudge Report deal could fall through,” she said. “In which case I expect Compuserve to step in.”