|EDITOR-PUBLISHER ROBB WITMER PASSED OUT SOME TIME THURSDAY NIGHT AND WAS DECORATED WITH GARBAGE BY LARGELY UNIDENTIFIED APARTMENT 3ERS.|
Very early on Friday morning, Apartment 3 Gazette editor-publisher Robb Witmer was found passed out on the living room couch. Despite many attempts to awaken him, he remained in a severely unconscious state.
Celebrity Doctor Roger Chakravorti was on the scene and made an immediate diagnosis.
"In my medical opinion, it seems as though he got all fucked-up and then passed out," Dr. Chakravorti explained. "Most likely shortly after three in the morning."