Ripper Uses the Power of Sports Gambling to Make $1000 Vanish Into Thin Air

RIPPER, WEARING THE SHIRT THAT HE WOULD LATER LOSE OFF HIS BACK. 

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Using only the power of gambling, Apartment 3 degenerate Ripper, over the course of just the first three weeks of football season, was able to turn a bank-roll of just over $1000 into exactly $0, all while having absolutely, fucking nothing to show for it.

Romney Touts His List of Republican Talking Points as the Most-Recently Photocopied

MITT ROMNEY'S OLD IDEAS HAVE BEEN COMMITTED TO BRAND NEW PAPER.

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NORTH LAS VEGAS, NV -- On Tuesday, former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney unveiled his copy of well-worn Republican talking points to members of the media and supporters of his presidential campaign.

Robertson: Texas Wildfires Punishment for Rick Perry's Vasectomy

PAT ROBERTSON CLAIMS THAT GOD'S PREFERRED FORM OF COMMUNICATION WITH THE HUMAN RACE IS NATURAL DISASTERS.

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Televangelist Pat Robertson said on Wednesday’s 700 Club that the wildfires blazing across the state of Texas are God’s way of punishing the state for electing their vasectomised governor, Rick Perry.