January 10, 2012

Tim Tebow Orchestrates Magical One-Game Winning Streak


DENVER, CO — On Sunday afternoon, Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow single-handedly orchestrated a magical one-game winning streak for his team, a feat that had not been accomplished in league history since earlier that day.

After leading his team to a truly amazing 7-4 record as a starter in the regular season, there were still doubters who thought the Broncos would finally meet their match in the mighty Pittsburgh Steelers. Mr. Tebow set out to prove them wrong.

“Nobody gave us a chance,” Mr. Tebow said. “Nobody thought I could play a good game, just because I hadn’t before. But we did it. We finally accomplished our goal of winning one game in a row.”

The list of teams to go on one-game winning streaks in the Super Bowl era is incredibly short — when taken in the grand scheme of things — but shorter still is the list of quarterbacks who have led their teams to one-game winning streaks while also throwing for over 300 yards, as Mr. Tebow did on Sunday.

According to STATS, Inc, no quarterback in modern football history had done so since Saturday evening, nearly twenty hours before Mr. Tebow did. Also according to STATS, no team had beaten the Steelers since week 15 of the NFL season, a streak of almost three weeks.

There were those, however, who still believed that Mr. Tebow and the Broncos had a real chance of success.

“I just told him to go out there, not think about it too much, and play his game,” said the Broncos’ vice-president of football operations and former car-salesman John Elway. “I thought of that myself. I’m the first to ever say it.”

Looking ahead to the Broncos’ next game — on Saturday against the New England Patriots, the NFL’s reigning King Shit of Fuck Mountain — Mr. Tebow maintains faith in his team.

“I’ve proven myself,” he said. “I’ve already played my first quality game as a starting quarterback, and it’s only my second season. This team has proven it can win slightly more than half the time, so we’re full of a lot of confidence.

“We just need to go out there, not think about it too much, and play our game,” Mr. Tebow continued. “Then we can’t lose.”