By RICK SANTORUM, PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE
A lot of folks out there have been asking me about the best way to strengthen their families. Some hard-working Americans are being led astray by the dark forces of Satan’s scientists, who are telling them that they can plan their families with the abomination of birth control in its many forms.
My opinions on the matter are quite public of course. Any sort of birth control is pure evil, and that’s that.
The evils of condoms, oral contraceptives, dental dams and diaphragms are well documented, but what most Americans are blissfully ignorant of is the silent spermicide lurking directly under our noses.
That’s right, I’m talking about the nuclear holocaust of birth control: vasectomies. Or as my family calls them, pre-abortions.
In the battle on behalf of the unborn, vasectomies are the thing everyone knows is out there, but no one wants to talk about. It’s the elephant that’s in the room sitting on your vas deferens.
Future generations of Americans depend on us to make the right decision. In fact, millions and millions of Americans per vasectomy depend on us.
Groups like Planned Parenthood and the Girl Scouts are attacking the fundamental rights of pre-Americans. George Soros and his liberal buddies are unleashing hordes of vasectomisers in our great nation in support of the leftist conspiracy of family planning.
This assault on the nation’s testicular prisoners is unacceptable. I am calling on all Christian warriors to join our crusade against the unholy institution of vasectomolgy.