August 6, 2012

Fast Food Restaurants Cashing In On Homophobia Craze

CHICK-FIL-A EMPLOYEES COULD BARELY KEEP UP WITH ALL THE HOMOPHOBIC ENERGY IN THE AIR ON WEDNESDAY. 


Following the massively successful Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day Wednesday, which featured jam-packed stores, record sales, and lines around the block for the embattled chicken sandwich merchant, many other fast food restaurants are eager to cash in on homophobia fever currently sweeping America.

“More blatant homophobia is what a large portion of the American public is eager for right now,” said marketing expert Dicky Bloads. “Especially when it comes to their fast food.

“All the Chick-fil-A CEO had to do was utter a few anti-gay remarks, and in a few short days they almost sold out of chicken sandwiches,” Mr. Bloads continued. “You heard that right, Chick-fil-A almost ran out of goddamned chicken.”

In the copycat world of fast food, it never takes long for a proven marketing strategy to spread to the entire industry. Sources within both McDonalds and Taco Bell say their companies are looking at various ways to capitalize on the popularity of homophobia, and expect to have their strategies in place within weeks.

Hardee’s, a chain of restaurants in the southeast and midwest, is working the most aggressively to capture the homophobia market.

“We want to make sure we get this right,” said Shane Travers, Hardee’s vice president of marketing. “This is our chance to make a big splash.”

Mr. Travers told the Gazette that the campaign could be based around new homophobicly-named food items — offering a French-themed sandwich called the “Faguette,” for instance — or possibly just a series of commercials that make fun of homosexuality.

“It could be as easy as hiring Ricky Martin, or someone like him, and make him wear a tutu or a ball gown,” Mr. Travers continued. “Call him a few names, maybe throw a bucket of barbecue sauce on him.

“The possibilites are endless.”