November 9, 2012

I DVR'd the Election, So Don't Tell Me How It Ends, Okay?


By PAUL RYAN, FORMER VICE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE

In the fine tradition of American democracy, over a hundred and twenty million voters headed to the polls on Tuesday to choose the next president of the United States and to set a new path going forward into our collective future. Just promise me that you won’t tell me how it ended, because I DVR’d it and won’t have a chance to watch it until tonight.

Normally, I would have watched it live, but I had a pretty intense abs workout on Tuesday, and after a short jog all I really wanted to do was veg out and catch up on the last few episodes of Breaking Amish, which were excellent, by the way.

Wednesdays is when I play my online Atlas Shrugged role-playing game. My character is a moocher named Don who is trying to support his family through the labor of others. I was so deep into it that by the time Janna came to get me, it was already almost bedtime. It’s amazing how addictive that game is!

I spent most of yesterday going about my normal business, but luckily everyone must have known that I hadn’t watched the election yet because nobody even attempted to bring it up when I was around. Thanks everybody! Last night would have been a good time to catch up, but I absolutely had to get in a lower body workout or I just wouldn’t have felt right today.

Tonight, though, I’m going to finally get around to watching the election. It should be a good Friday night at home with the family, and maybe I’ll invite Mitt and Ann over, as long as they promise to not spoil the ending. I just hope Mitt starts answering his phone again soon.