October 26, 2012

Are You Better Off Today Than You Were Four Years Ago When You Were Preparing For the Collapse of Society?


By MITT ROMNEY, PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE

America is faced with a stark decision on November 6th, one that will change the course of our nation for a generation. When making your choice for president, it’s important to ask yourself one important question before heading to the polling place: Are you better off today than you were four years ago when you were preparing for the collapse of society?

President Obama can’t run on his record because he’s led this country to high unemployment, massive debt, and economic uncertainty. Compare that to when his term began, and you had a wonderfully stocked pantry full of canned goods, dehydrated food, rolls and rolls of duct tape, and brand-new gas masks.

October 23, 2012

Ann Coulter Sets World Cuntiness Record



Adjudicators with the Guinness Book of World Records have confirmed that syndicated columnist and political commentator Ann Coulter set a new world record for cuntiness during the third and last presidential debate last night.

Ms. Coulter surpassed the previous record with a series of tweets that culminated in a statement in which she called President Barack Obama a “retard.” Guinness officials said that the accumulated cuntiness of her career, which began in the late 1990’s, became the largest of all time shortly after the controversial tweet.

Previous record holder Tucker Carlson released a statement congratulating Ms. Coulter. “It’s an honor to lose my title to Ann,” the statement read. “She’s a total cunt.”

Guinness officials are expected to rule by tomorrow on whether or not Mr. Carlson’s statement puts him back in the lead.