February 27, 2017

Televised Circle-Jerk Goes Awry

LOS ANGELES — One of the country’s largest and most respected televised circle-jerks went amiss Sunday night when the final jerk-off was given to the wrong jerkee. Event organizers are still scrambling to find out what went wrong, as protocols and safeguards were either not in place, or not sufficient to prevent a jerk-off gone wrong. The final jerk-off of the night is widely considered the most important and prestigious of all the jerk-offs given at the event.