June 14, 2011

Miami Heat Throw Victory Party Following NBA Finals


MIAMI, FL -- One day after losing the NBA Finals to the Dirk Nowitzki-led Dallas Mavericks, the Miami Heat and their three star players, Chris Bosh, Dwyane Wade, and LeBron James, staged a victory extravaganza in honor of the themselves.

“This is going to be one of the all time great teams,” Mr. Wade said in the press conference that followed the fireworks portion of the show. “We’re going to bring armfuls of championship trophies to South Beach.”

“Yes we did,” added Mr. James.

The event began with Mr. James, dressed as a ball of flames, taking a zip line from the rafters to the stage, striking a pose with his fist in the air, and standing still while Mr. Bosh and Mr. Wade, both dressed in glitter jump suits, made their entrances.

Which they did by doing synchronized somersaults down a fashion-show style runway into the crowd of 15,000 screaming fans.

Upon reaching the end of the runway, the pair launched into a three-minute choreographed dance number, all while Mr. James remained perfectly still. Once finished, they froze in place as smoke machines came on and filled the room.

Mr. James, still in his ball-0f-flames costume, quietly made his way to the front of the stage where he ripped the costume off, revealing a Miami Heat uniform.

The room filled with sparks as all three players attached themselves to cables connected to hydraulic lifts that swung them over the audience. Mr. Bosh was lost in the moment, pretending to fly, while Mr. James and Mr. Wade high-fived the fans from above.

“They were flying right above me,” said Miami resident Jeff Starnhole. “It was just like Spiderman: Turn Off the Dark, except nobody fell on top of me.”

When the players were returned to the stage, indoor-fireworks went off before they were introduced for a short press conference.

“To play with these guys is a dream come true,” said Mr. Wade. “This is the best trio in basketball history.”

“This is what it’s all about,” said Mr. James. “We get to be on one of the best teams ever, showcasing our talents on the biggest stage. It’s special.”

“I was flying like Superman,” said Mr. Bosh. “My arms were out in front of me like he does.”

After the press conference, the three superstars exited on thrones, carried on the shoulders of team trainers.

At press time, J.J. Barea was being fitted for a championship ring, and Peja Stojakovic was in a hot tub with the Larry O'Brien Trophy.