August 23, 2011

Obama Finishes a Disappointing Last in Iowa State Fair Pie-Eating Contest


DES MOINES, IA -- President Barack Obama has finished in last place in the Iowa State Fair’s annual pie-eating contest, throwing into doubt his bid to become the 2012 National Pie-Eating Champion.

Prognosticators have long considered Mr. Obama to be a shoo-in for at least a place at the table for the 2012 championships, but his disappointing showing in Iowa is going to turn that into an uphill battle.

“It was widely expected that [Mr. Obama] would at least place in the top ten in Iowa,” said pie-eating-contest expert Dicky Bloads. “The field is now totally wide open.”

Representatives for the White House are downplaying the president’s performance.

“Obviously, the president was hoping for a better finish,” said White House press secretary Jay Carney at a press conference on Tuesday morning.

“But it’s still early. The [pie-eating] circuit does not begin and end in Iowa. If anything, [Mr. Obama] now has more of an idea of what’s going to be necessary as we go forward to 2012.”

Republicans quickly jumped on the news of Mr. Obama’s last place finish, suggesting he was in over his head.

“The president doesn’t have any experience in competitive eating,” said former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney. “He’s leading the American people on into thinking he can lead us in pie-eating.

“The National Pie-Eating Champion needs to be someone with experience, someone we can count on,” Mr. Romney continued, “And with that, I’d like to announce my intention to compete in the 2012 championships.”