October 7, 2011

Palin Backs Out of House-Sitting Commitment Only Three Days Before It Was to Start


ANN ARBOR, MI -- According to sources within the Drifting Pines neighborhood in this mid-western college town, former Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin has indicated she will be backing out of a commitment she had made to house-sit for the Inderman famliy of 2132 Forest Crest Circle only three days before their vacation was set to begin.

In a statement released to the Indermans, Ms. Palin stated that she has “a lot of stuff to do that month,” and hadn’t realized the job would be such a commitment.

“I forgot that you have dogs,” her statement said. “That’s a daily responsibility that I can’t promise to fulfill. I was thinking more like I would pop in once or twice a week and flush the toilets and throw away any spoiled food.”

The Indermans are now left without a house-sitter and almost no time to find a replacement or Ms. Palin.

“Neither of our families live nearby,” said Charles Inderman. “Except for my wife’s bat-shit younger brother, and there’s no way he’s staying here.”

“Putting dogs in a kennel is too expensive,” said Linda Inderman, Charles’s wife. “And it’s just so much nicer knowing there someone staying here, keeping the hobos out.”

Ms. Palin originally took the gig thinking the Indermans’ house would be a good place to park her tour bus for a while and “take it easy, maybe dip into the liquor cabinet,” according to internal documents within the Palin camp.

“We’re not even heavy drinkers,” said Ms. Inderman. “I think there’s some brandy. Maybe some vodka. An unopened jar of olives. Can’t she afford her own booze?”

The state of the Indermans’ liquor cabinet could have been what finally soured the deal for Palin. Her statement went on to say that “without an adequately stocked liquor cabinet, or at least some pizza money, then it is simply not worth cleaning up dog-shit and having to do laundry and stuff like that.”

The Indermans, who found Ms. Palin through a Craigslist ad, say they will be more careful next time they are looking for a house-sitter.

“We thought she would be reliable,” said Mr. Inderman. “She’s on TV, from that one show.”

“Now we know what that’s worth,” Ms. Inderman continued. “I hope she returns the key we already sent her.”