November 10, 2020

Trump: Up to 80 Million Americans Involved in Plot to Steal Election

In a series of sweeping allegations, golf course manager Donald Trump, currently serving as president of the United States, claimed that as many as 80 million Americans could have been involved in a plot to steal the recent presidential election for former vice-president Joe Biden.  

"It's a very sad thing that's happening to our country," Trump said at a press conference Tuesday afternoon. "Many, many votes that should not be counted are being counted. And many people are in a scheme to rig this election, millions of people, to keep me from winning."

Asked to specify how many Americans he felt were directly involved in the conspiracy, Trump said that it was "in the tens of millions. Way over half of the electorate."

After assuring that his administration would be investigating "very strongly," Trump went on to speculate on the intentions behind the machinations to upset the election.

"It could be because all of these people hate America," he said, meaning the nearly 51% of Americans who voted for Biden. "And they know I love America, so they want me to lose.

"I don't know. It could be like that Body Snatchers movie," Trump continued. "I didn't really understand it too well, but maybe it's something like that, where bug zombies take over everybody's body and they do something they don't really want to do. Or maybe it's China."

Before concluding his press conference, Trump said that he would wait until all votes were properly counted before announcing exactly how many Americans were implicated in the plot.