January 31, 2022

Free-Thinking American Spends Her Weekends Watching Advertisements Race Against Each Other

A free-thinking American woman, who never lets anyone tell her what to do or what to believe, spends several hours every weekend watching giant advertisements race around in circles to win a prize that has no real-world meaning for her or anyone she knows.

The advertisements are largely for businesses that the American woman with an independent mind visits often, or for products and brands that she has chosen to surround herself with in her life and home.

Her choice to do so was, of course, the result of her using the knowledge and wisdom that she's gained from thoroughly vetting all information that comes her way, and was in no way affected by a relentless marketing onslaught for corporate consumer products.

As of press time, the "maverick thinker," as her friends often call her, could not be reached for comment until she returned from her trip to Target, then the Shell station for gas, and then the Burger King drive-through for lunch because they "have the best fries."



January 30, 2022

"America is the Greatest Country in the World," Area Dad Says with Straight Face

With apparently no irony whatsoever, an area dad recently referred to the United States of America as "the greatest country in the world." 

According to witnesses, no reason for the supposed greatness was given, and the subject was promptly dropped.