Biden Body Double Riding High After Delivering Speech Of His Life

WASHINGTON — Last night, in a critical election-year State of the Union address, the body double for President Joe Biden delivered what observers from across the political spectrum agreed was perhaps the speech of his life.

“It was commanding, confrontational, even a little angry,” said elections expert Dicky Bloads. “This body double has been Biden's most convincing yet, and tonight was his best performance."

The real Joe Biden has been in a coma since June of 2020, and is currently incapacitated in a secret White House medical dungeon. He has been replaced in public since then by a series of actors, robots, and — briefly — a cyborg.

“The cyborg was a real shitshow,” said a senior Biden administration official, who has been granted anonymity because they have not been given permission to discuss the Biden Replacement Program.

“We’ve always had a lot of luck with actors. But it can be difficult finding someone in that age group who can memorize a long speech and also stay up that late at night.”

The current body double, a veteran regional-theater actor whose name has not been released, was brought in by the administration late last year to focus on Biden’s long-form public speaking.

By all accounts, the White House is thrilled with the results.

“We couldn’t have asked for a better body double,” said the senior administration official. “He’s definitely the superstar around the West Wing today.”