WASHINGTON, DC — Senator Kyrsten Sinema of Arizona shocked the political world on Friday morning when she removed the human mask that she had been wearing since her arrival on Earth over four decades ago, and finally revealed her true lizard self.
“I have never been a part of your species,” the senator said, referring to Homo sapiens, commonly referred to as “humans,” the most widespread species of primate on this planet.
“I was only here to observe, and develop a line of communication,” Ms. Sinema continued. “The Lizard People, while we are far superior and much more powerful, we want to work with the people of Earth, and forge a spirit of cooperation that will ensure prosperity for everyone.”
She added that the transition to a successful partnership between her planet and the human species should be an easy one.
“We have very few demands, actually,” Senator Sinema said, before abruptly ending the press conference due to an upcoming Pilates class.