WASHINGTON — In a disappointing 9-0 decision on Wednesday, the Supreme Court ruled that your cousin’s wedding, which is being held at a barn-style event space on practically the opposite side of the state in which you live, is nonetheless not far enough away for you to skip going to entirely.
“It’s a decent enough drive, just over 90 minutes. That’s not nothing,” wrote Justice Amy Coney Barrett in the opinion. “But it’s not far enough away that it couldn’t be a day trip, if for some reason you didn’t want to spend the night at the adorable, rustic lodgings nearby. Even calling it a destination wedding is a bit of a stretch.”
The court suggested there could be some wiggle room in the precedent they were setting, but such exemptions were not present in the case before them.
“This is a cousin you spent countless hours with as a child,” pointed out Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson. “It’s not a cousin that grew up on the other side of the country and you rarely saw. This was a close relationship.”
“There is no theme to this wedding which would present itself as a hassle, such as Old West, 50’s Sock Hop, etc,” Barrett continued. “This seems to be a normal wedding with normal responsibilities. The court sees no reasonable excuse for you to skip it. Sorry.”