Trump Steps On Skateboard And Rolls Into Active Steel Mill

BRADDOCK, PA — Immediately after giving a short speech to supporters and political donors, golf course manager Donald Trump stepped on a misplaced skateboard and was propelled into the bustling Edgar Thomson Steel Works. Members of his security team and event organizers scrambled to halt his swift trajectory, but their efforts proved futile.

Just as he finished his remarks, Mr. Trump, president of the United States from 2017 to 2021, stepped off the makeshift stage and, without looking, stepped onto a skateboard that had been left at the bottom of the safety ramp and rolled away. He appeared completely bewildered as he disappeared into a haze of flame and sparks.

Witnesses reported that Trump momentarily lost his balance before being catapulted into the heart of the active steel mill and toward a giant vessel of molten steel. He landed head-first and was submerged up to his ankles in the nearly 3000-degree substance.

Emergency responders, aided by on-duty steelworkers, extracted Trump from the furnace using a forklift. He was swiftly taken to Allegheny General Hospital, where medical staff anticipate a full recovery.