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Trump Offers Best Deal Yet On Speakers From Back Of Van
NEW YORK — Claiming that he’d really like to get rid of them today but doesn’t necessarily have to, golf course manager Donald Trump offered what he…
Kamala Harris Puts Finishing Touches On 'Battlestar Galactica' Fan Fiction
WASHINGTON — Balancing work and life is a challenge faced by many, but politician Kamala Harris seems to have found the perfect equilibrium by spending…
Supreme Court Rules Future Rulings To Be Made By Winner Of Annual Arm-Wrestling Tournament
WASHINGTON — The Supreme Court ruled on Monday, by a 5-4 margin, that going forward, all cases will be decided by the justice who wins the annual…
Biden Announces Funeral
WASHINGTON — President Joe Biden announced his own funeral in a solemn Oval Office address Wednesday evening, thanking the nation for its support during…
Reflective Trump: Country Must Unite Around Idea That My First Term Never Happened
MILWAUKEE — In a statement released Wednesday on Truth Social, his personal blog, golf course manager Donald Trump urged a reeling nation to finally…
Supreme Court Rules Cybertruck Explosion Actually A Pretty Cool Way To Go Out
WASHINGTON — By a 7-2 decision, the Supreme Court ruled on Tuesday that dying in a fiery explosion caused by the shoddy design and flimsy construction…
Cordyceps Mushroom Emerges From Trump’s Skull
MIAMI — While delivering remarks in Miami to national business leaders to solicit political donations, a cordyceps mushroom emerged from the skull of…
Biden Vows To Use Remainder Of Term Finishing Model Train Set In White House Basement
WASHINGTON — Following his exit from the 2024 election, President Joe Biden has vowed to dedicate the remainder of his term to the completion of an…
Trump: No Intention Of Serving As President Beyond This Lifetime
PALM BEACH, FL — As recent Supreme Court rulings bolster executive power and Joe Biden's re-election bid struggles, golf course manager Donald Trump…
Aaron Rodgers Preparing For Possible VP Nom By Listening To Extra Podcasts
MONTCLAIR, NJ — Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.’s campaign announced on Tuesday that Aaron Rodgers was a leading candidate to be his running mate and vice…
Biden Drops Out Of Olympic 100-Meter Race
WASHINGTON — Citing concerns about his fitness and ability to compete at the level needed to win such an important competition, President Joe Biden…
Biden Coughs Up Dead Cat
WASHINGTON — After his return to the White House on Thursday night following a debate performance many pundits are calling one of the worst of all time…
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